Attention all you meddlesome inebriates! My name is Stewie Griffin, and you can address me as Emperor of the World! As your new master I command you to purchase and consume my Mind Erase Elixir Energy Drink.
You are now all assimilated into my new army of onslaught, and while you are not out slaughtering my enemies, you shall be performing mindless manual labor building my new kingdom. Obviously you will need incredible strength if you wish survive, so go out and consume my drink...NOW!
It contains my proprietary chemical mixture of Taurine, Inositol, Caffeine, Vitamin B, Niacin, and Pant Acid that results in superhuman strength with the minor side effect of having your mind erased. Which shouldn't matter too much seeing you are now all under my control! Ha! Victory is mine!
Cold Weather Alert: Due to the cold temperatures of the winter months, customers have been experiencing exploding Bawls. We at Xoxide are very concerned for the safety of our customers and do not wish for their Bawls to freeze. We recommend that if the ambient temperature of your area is at or below freezing, that you refrain from ordering carbonated caffeine beverages during this time. Customers who wish to place orders for these products may do so at their own risk. Neither Xoxide nor UPS will replace, refund, or process any claims for broken Bawls, exploded Rocket Fuel, or any other beverages during this time.
Thank you for your cooperation.